Liability
by cyan thou
Summary: Ami's intelligence often sets her apart from her peers, but for better or for worse? An encounter with Serena and her new friends leaves Ami shaken, questioning their friendship and, ultimately, herself.


**Liability**

The end of the school year was still a little while away, but students were already vacating the school as early as possible when the final bell rang at the end of the day. Clearly, they were eager to get an early start to their summer vacation.

Final exams were still a little while away, but there was no one who doubted that Ami Mizuno would once again place first in all of the academic subject areas. It was only during the brief time that Ryo Urawa had spent at the school that she had been out-performed. Whatever faults Ryo had as a shy and socially awkward kid, he made up for with daunting intelligence. He was second to none, not even to Ami. For her, it was the first time she had ever competed so fiercely to retain her academic supremacy. However, she enjoyed the challenge and quickly grew to like him, despite their rivalry. He was not particularly attractive, but she found his sheer genius very alluring. She had wanted to get closer to him, but it was clear that he had personal issues. He deliberately kept people away. One day, rather suddenly, he moved away just as quickly as he had waltzed in to Juuban Municipal High School. It was a bittersweet moment. Ami, sad to lose her first crush, relished her unrivalled academic dominance once again.

No student at Juuban Municipal High School was surprised earlier today when Ami was declared the winner of the national math and engineering challenge. Ami was ecstatic, as the honour came with a significant scholarship to the university of her choice. She was determined to go into math, engineering and the sciences before going to medical school in order to be a doctor like her mom. However, she doubted she would have won if Ryo had also competed. She could not help but worry about him. Evidently, she still thought about him often, even to this day. What had become of him?

The rush of students who had come to congratulate her today for her accomplishment cast Ami's worries aside. The attention was endearing, but it made her uncomfortable. Crowds were not her ideal environment, much less when she was the center of attention. She was glad that the school was empty now as she headed down the hallway, the clic-clac of her black Mary Jane shoes filling it with an echo with each step.

She casually walked into Mr. Hoku's physics classroom, eager to show him the plaque that had come in for her. His classroom was relaxing space for her, as she often came here during her free time to simply read or speak with Mr. Hoku. He was a tall, skinny man with glasses with a certain charm about him. Despite the complexity of his physics class, he somehow still managed to make the subject fun and interesting for his students. He was well liked by the school staff and students alike for these reasons.

Mr. Hoku turned toward the door and greeted Ami with his usual smile. "Congratulations, Ami! I told you that you could do it!" He observed the mahogany plaque in her hands. It was beautifully ornate and elegant. "I'm so proud of you!"

Ami really valued his opinion. She blushed at the praise. "Thank you. I couldn't have done it without your guidance."

"Don't thank me. Your potential is limitless – I only helped you focus that energy. You did all of the work."

"I'm not sure how I'll manage without you next year," she openly admitted to Mr. Hoku's instrumental role in her academic success over the years.

"You'll do fine, don't worry. You've clearly proven yourself. Just keep doing what you've been doing all these years."

"Thank you, that's really nice of you to say."

"I'm sure I can come back and visit."

"That would be true, if I weren't leaving."

Ami was puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I'm sad to say that today is my last day."

Ami was deeply saddened by the news. She was reluctant to admit it, but Mr. Hoku filled in a large void in her life. He was the complete antithesis of her father, who had been absent throughout her entire life. Ami's father randomly dropped in for brief moments, which were always awkward and uncomfortable situations. She knew there was a social expectation for her to like him, but she could never bring herself to do it. Especially after uncovering the reasons why her parents divorced in the first place.

He would send her art works periodically, which would show up unexpectedly, much like his own random appearances. Although his art was considered beautiful by many, including well-respected art connoisseurs, Ami's perceptions of it were tainted by the knowledge of her father's substance abuse which he justified as 'inspiration.' He was not in control of his addiction, nor had he been able to keep it check for years. Indeed, he was successful in his career, but it had always been at the cost of those around him. His personal life was rife with interpersonal conflict and neglect of others. As far as Ami was concerned, he was a despicable man and her mother was right to have cut him out of their lives.

"I need to take a personal leave for the remainder of the school year," Mr. Hoku replied. "I'm not sure if I'll be back next year."

"Oh," Ami muttered. "Why?" Normally, Ami was reluctant to pry into other people's personal lives, but she just had to know why he suddenly had to depart from her life. Sudden absences were always a sensitive area for Ami, especially if they were males.

"I … can't say. Just know that I need to take this leave. I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to."

"Please, can't you tell me?" Ami pleaded, desperate for an answer. The look in her eyes expressed that nothing short of the truth would satisfy her.

Mr. Hoku sighed. He was reluctant to share the information but he also knew of Ami's domestic situation. He knew she was scarred and he cared too much for her to allow him to further deepen those wounds. "I just got a call today. My sister's in the hospital again," he said. He had only ever mentioned her in passing and all Ami knew was that she had been afflicted with a serious illness years ago. "Unfortunately, she's not well. I need to look after her." She did not want to part with Mr. Hoku but it was a legitimate reason. He was not abandoning her.

Finally, Ami spoke again in a soft voice. "I won't see you again before I graduate then?" The answer was obvious, but unless she heard an answer, she knew she would not internalize the reality of the situation.

"No, I'm sorry," Mr. Hoku lamented.

"I'm really going to miss you," Ami admitted.

"On the contrary, Ami – the pleasure is all mine. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful and diligent student," he smiled at her.

"Thank you for pushing me. If it weren't for you, I don't think I could have pushed myself to work so hard in my life."

"And I hope you never lose that passion and ambition, Ami. It will take you to great places. Believe me."

Suddenly, Ami lunged forward and hugged her teacher. She squeezed her arms tightly around him. She had become deeply attached to Mr. Hoku. It was purely platonic, but nevertheless a very powerful connection. He was a very real part of her now. In thinking about the future, Ami was reluctant to give up the safety and support she felt moving out and away from his classroom.

Mr. Hoku was surprised to feel Ami quiver. At first he thought he simply imagined the sensation, but he soon realized that Ami was crying silently on him. Admittedly, he felt uncomfortable. He was surprised to see that he had connected with her on such an emotional level. Not wanting to alienate her, he returned her affection. That brief moment of shared sadness felt as though it lasted for an eternity for both of them.

The strength seemed escape out from Ami's legs. Mr. Hoku held her until she was ready to draw apart and support herself. Eventually, she drew back, her eyes bloodshot from the crying.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, raising her glasses to wipe away the tears.

"Don't be. There's no shame in crying," he consoled her.

"No … I left a mark on your shirt," she turned away with embarrassment.

Mr. Hoku looked down at his top. Ami's tears had left a large, ovular wet spot on his desert yellow dress shirt. "Don't worry," he smiled warmly.

"Excuse me. I must go," Ami said, palpably abashed by her inability to maintain her composure. She hastily picked up her belongings while Mr. Hoku watched as she headed out of his classroom. Her footsteps faded away from his earshot, as she stormed down the following hall and pushed into the girls' bathroom. Thankfully, it was empty and she was free to weep to herself in solitude.

Ami leaned against the bathroom stalls and sobbed to herself in silence. At this point, she was not sure what she was crying about. Was it the upsetting news that Mr. Hoku had delivered? Was it embarrassment over her moment of weakness?

Ami worked her way across the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror, her hands supporting her figure as she bent over the sink while she struggled to keep her emotions in check. The scratched surface of the mirror reflected a dull image back at her. She did not like the image projected back at her. Ami hated the very thought of being weak. She wanted to be stoic and disengaged – the ideal qualities of a scientist. Even of those ideals were an illusory goal, they were something she wanted to embody.

It suddenly dawned on Ami that it was almost time for _juku._ At this point, cram school was almost entirely unnecessary for Ami, but she was a hard-wired overachiever. Even if the she did not need to go, her presence reassured her of her capabilities. Despite her accomplishments, self-doubt plagued her actions.

Ami removed her glasses and turned the squeaky faucet. She ran her hands under the cold water, cupping the water in her gentle hands and splashing it against her face, rubbing away at her eyes. She inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to calm herself through her breathing. It was less than effective, but she was short on time and it would have to suffice. She dried herself off, grabbed her leather bookbag and the plaque and headed out of the school in a rush.

The day was hot and beautiful, but Ami barely noticed. She walked with uncharacteristic haste, rushing to get to her destination but also trying to outrun the humiliating images in her mind. _How could I have been so weak?_ she bemoaned herself. In her mind, she scrutinized her every action in hindsight. It was practically an obsession.

Up ahead, she saw Serena along with a group of her friends. They were loitering around the exit to the school grounds. One them had his arm wrapped around Serena while she flirted back with him. Ami recognized him immediately, having seen him before in the hallways. His name was Saitou. Sure, he was good looking and muscular, but he was also a notorious jerk with an ego big enough to fill a cargo ship. Saitou had a reputation for being a real tough guy, often starting up fights with students from rival schools. Truthfully, Serena did not like him all that much, but no one dared to say anything bad about her when he was around.

Ami hesitated for a moment. Normally, she did her best to avoid this particular group of students. Did she have enough time to go around them to the rear exit? She discreetly glanced at her watch. It would take away valuable time, which she was convinced she could not spare. She glanced back up and felt somewhat reassured by Serena's presence amongst them. It should be safe to walk by. Nevertheless, Ami continued in their direction with anxiety. She could not help feel increasingly apprehensive with every step.

"Oh, look! Here comes the queen of the nerds," one of them pointed at Ami.

"Hey, you know her, don't you, Serena?" another one teasingly jabbed.

"Yeah, you two were friends. Right?"

Serena looked at Ami without any indication of kindness on her face. "No, she's not a friend," she replied coldly. "She's just some nerd."

Ami was silent but her eyes were an open window to her thoughts. Her current emotional state was already weakened and now she was even more fragile to insults. Even after the years of ridicule she had endured, she never managed to build up a protective shell. Ami did not care to be part of the 'in' crowd, yet their scathing comments still managed to cut right into her.

Ami tried her best to ignore their comments. She just wanted to pass through and get to _juku_ on time. However, they were now blocking the exit along the fence.

"Say, how much did you have to study for that stupid award, anyway?" One them attempted to snatch away Ami's award from her but she dodged backward. Unfortunately, another one of the group members was ready to take it away while Ami's attention was diverted.

"Hey! Give that back!"

"Or what?" one of the girls sneered.

"She'll throw a book at you!" someone joked.

"Oh, watch out, it's Little Ms. Bookworm."

"Stop it!" Ami yelled. She looked at Serena, who idly stood, not interfering with the torment being inflicted by her posse. She seemed to enjoy the spectacle, even as the taunts continued and became more sinister.

"I bet she's a real loner."

"Wouldn't be surprised."

"Spends all day with a book and all night at the computer."

"No life."

"What'd you expect from someone as ugly as her!"

"No wonder she doesn't have a boyfriend."

One of the male students neared Ami. "Why don't you come with me? I'll make a woman out of you!" he vulgarly offered as he violently thrust his pelvis back and forth, much to the delight of the others. He walked back to the group with his arm extended upward, ready for high fives.

"Nice one, Sho!"

"Oh, please! You know she'll just lay there," one of the girls rolled her eyes.

"JUST STOP!" Ami protested vehemently. Her voice was quivering and she could feel that she was on the verge of losing her composure once again. The insecurities and anger that she worked so hard to keep confined were testing the strength of their chains.

Ami was so consumed by the fear of losing control that she did not notice as one the guys crept behind her and wildly lifted up her skirt.

"Wow, look! Granny panties!" he pointed and laughed.

She quickly pivoted to face the pervert while bringing her skirt down and holding it in place with her other hand behind her. Ami was red with embarrassment at having been humiliatingly exposed. "They're not-"

"-THEY'RE GRANNY PANTIES!" he reiterated even louder, bursting out laughing and the other members of the group joining in chorus.

Ami reached a breaking point. Somewhere deep inside, the shackles given way and then heavy sensation that something ugly was about to rear its head filled her stomach.

"Ooh, better watch out or she'll strike you, Benimaru!"

The guy holding the award feigned being punched and dramatically reeled backward onto the floor as if hit. "Oh no! She got me!"

Ami tried to take back her award but Saitou, who had just been watching all this time, stepped in the way. Not wanting to endure this any torment any further, Ami reeled back and open-hand slapped him with uncharacteristic fury. However, the strike was less than cathartic. Quite the contrary, she regretted it instantly. She had always been taught to avoid physical conflict and deeply resented the use of force – especially after having been traumatized as a child by the memories of her father beating her mom when he was drunk or high. Those mental images would continue to haunt her for the rest of her life. And now, much like then, violence escalated the matter. She did not know how to bring this situation back under control.

The group of friends had fallen completely silent. Saitou, much like Serena, had a reputation to maintain at any costs and they knew he would not hesitate to respond in like manner.

"You little bitch," he growled. "You have no idea what you just did there." He rolled up his sleeves menacingly. It was completely unnecessary, but intimidation worked well for him on account of his size. There were stories about how wild he could get when provoked in a fight. Ami was afraid of what Saitou would do. She had acted out of anger and now found herself in a worse situation. The best she could now do is hold her ground, as she watched him reveal his muscles. _Would he really hit me?_

"That's enough!" Serena stormed in between the two of them. Saitou stared her down but Serena refused to back down. She tore the plaque away from Benimaru and perfunctorily tossed it back to Ami. "Let the nerd have her dumb plaque. Let's go," she ordered, walking away. "I want to do some shopping."

Saitou stood still, eyeing Ami and wondering whether he should follow through with Serena's commands. He did not agree with Serena but he knew that if he expected to get anything from her later, he would have to keep her satisfied now.

"Consider yourself lucky, punk," he sneered. With a quick turn, he motioned to the others with his head and they followed.

Ami, still in shock from her actions, watched as Serena's posse walked out of the schoolyard and raucously made their way across the street. They were quick to resume their usual antics, high-fiving and congratulating each other for their actions. Ami was distraught. She did the only thing she felt she could do at that moment – she ran. As fast as she could, without direction or purpose. There would be no _juku_ for her tonight. Their torment, brief as it was, had managed to take the pleasure of academics out from her. They had intentionally and brutishly shaken her conviction and self-assurance.

Much to Ami's detest, the bullies had painfully uncovered something that she tried her hardest to deny. Her volatile reaction was a testament to its reality. Whether she chose to admit it or not, Ami secretly wanted to be liked. She really did. But why could people not accept her for who she was? What was so wrong about being smart? Even though she consistently out-scored everybody on tests and exams, she never once used that as a reason to make fun of anyone else. She had been humble all throughout.

She continued to run while these issues came to the fore in her mind. She had no answers, only angst, anger, resentment and self-hate. It was not innate, but they had managed to have her internalize it. It hurt so much to be hated. Were they jealous? Were they angry? What was it? Ami would probably never find out the answers to those questions. All she wanted to know was why it was such a liability to be smart.


End file.
